The year of Everything

It's my last day as a 26 year old. I don't really know what it was with 26, but I've had this love affair with this age since I was 12. It's the age that I always knew I'd get married. Strange considering I had an abnormally long engagement and got engaged at 24, so the timing just happened to work out.

But what is it about this age? Is it that it's still close enough to 25, yet slightly older to where you're technically a grown up because 30 is in the distant future? Possibly.

Is it because it's just one of those years? Probably.

My last year has been anything but normal. It was filled with more anxiety than I've ever felt in my life, something that I'm learning slowly that is not one of my favorite feelings. 26 marked the first time I realized that, whether I wanted to accept it or not, I was, in fact, an adult. Not a "grown-up," a term that I used far longer than I should have. But an adult. I began talking, acting, working like an adult. I think the difference here is that all this time, I've actually been doing all these "adult" things, except I was the only one who never thought of myself as one of them. Now, as I spend this last evening as a 26 year old, I look ahead and see 30. For some reason, 30 seems much closer now than it did a year ago, despite there only being one year of a difference.

So there we have it. Sireesha turns 27. It's not flashy. It's not really that exciting. More than likely, I'll be spending another lovely dinner with my awesome husband, who also (lucky for me), doubles as my very best friend, albeit my most annoying friend. The thing about turning 27 is that I now know that it doesn't matter where you went shopping last week, or whether you have that adorable facebook profile picture of you and 5 girlfriends jumping at an oddly convenient time in front of a beach somewhere. No, what I imagine 27 is going to teach me, is that all the anxiety, the buildup, the hesitation to really embrace my own life as my own, is really going to be okay.

I've spent a significant amount of time worrying. Worrying about whether my brother will make his flight in the morning back to New York. Worried that my grandmother is getting more and more confused. Worried that each year that passes, brings new worries. No, this year needs to be different. It needs to be about the realization that we don't live forever, but that doesn't mean we don't live past tomorrow. I think 27 is going to be about finding that balance that I've been looking for, and not coincedently, that it's also my zodiac sign. It represents me to the core of my very being.

I do not like extremes. I really, really don't. I don't like the "extreme nacho cheese" chips, because after 2 chips, I'm left with really gross orange fingers, and an annoying, lingering film of cheese on my teeth. Not fun.

I'm not a fan of extreme opinions, either. I don't think there's one "right" way, and no, this is not all about religion. This is about beliefs, and acceptance and tolerance and understanding and all those words that come up when you right click these words and find synonyms.

I don't like people telling me how to live my life, mostly because geez. I can't even figure out how to live my own. I haven't figured it all out, but to me, that's the purpose of life. It's to figure out your place in this gigantic world. It's to figure out what your purpose was. Sure, I'd love to be able to be a pediatrician and live in Africa and help a little boy survive. I'm not a doctor. My fear of needles, blood and ultimately, seeing people in pain, just isn't going to get me there.

I do want to make a difference. But I think that's not really original. Surely there aren't people who sit there and want to just blend in with the rest are there? Perhaps. But maybe that's me. At the same time, if/when I meet one of these people, who just wants to BE, I'll let them. Because if I've figured out anything in these 26 years, it is that no one, not Obama, not Osama, not Jesus, not Jesus, the incredibly charming and very polite delivery guy from Sears, has it figured out. My favorite 5th grade teacher didn't have it all figured out, but she did figure out how best Sireesha was going to learn math: by making it fun. That was me. It's not everyone, but it's me.

So what's my point? That I don't always have to have one. That's the beauty of this game we play, day in, day out. Not everything is going to be facebook status worthy. Not everyone cares about when you decide you want to sleep. (But by gosh, if it helps one person to post that their baby has diarrhea and they can't figure out what to do, and some friend who they haven't seen face-to-face in 10 years gives them a tip that saves their night and helps their baby, then more power to them.)

Don't walk around assuming that everything you do is the right way. Don't walk around assuming everything you do is stupid. Find a balance, and run with it. Don't discount all Chinese food buffets. There's one by my house in Austin that, after reluctantly going once, and voluntarily going two additional times, have yet to feel like crap. In fact, I'd argue that it's some of the best hot and sour soup you're going to find.

Don't walk around judging people because they take part in things that you're too afraid to figure out. Or maybe the better word here, is lazy. You're too lazy to learn. It's something I think that happens to people around 35, when you've stopped learning, and started preaching.

Let's make a vow, to ourselves, that we will continue to evolve and learn about the world, so that in generations to come, my confused children, who will play with your confused children, and so on, can actually have an imagination, and can actually appreciate the value of something mysterious. I had that as a kid. I made stuff up, I taught myself thigs. I paid attention. Don't walk around at 27, acting like you know how the world works. The world is such a big place. SUCH a big place. Please, encourage your fellow neighbor to really just get to know you. REALLY get to know someone. Get to know someone who didn't grow up like you did, or who believes something different than you, or perhaps doesn't always use proper grammar (yikes.). No, but seriously, do it. Why? Because nobody knows what's right, but if we can figure out how to just live, I think that would accomplish a lot.

Here's to 27. I am grateful to see you 27, I'm anxious to see what exciting things happen at 27. I'm appreciative of the last 26 years, and each of you who have imprinted your heart print on to mine. Live, Laugh, Love. But most importantly, Learn.

That's what I plan to do.

Weddings and Houses and Babies, Oh My!

When did we become grown ups? Did I miss it? Did this happen during those years when I used to race home from class to catch the latest 30-minute meals w/Rachael Ray?

No, it happened. I realized I'm no longer the "young generation" anymore. I started saying things like "Who are the Jonas Brothers and why are they so awesome?"

Hm..I remember someone saying this to me when these guys named Justin, JC, Joey, Lance and that one other guy nobody remembers starting singing songs called "Bye, Bye, Bye," complete with the most ridiculous hand gesture "dance moves" (yes, "dance moves" deserves to be in quotes). Tickets to this concert were sold out in 4 minutes, yet I'm mocking these little 13 year-olds for their love affair with some movie about a high school musical, aptly titled "High School Musical?"

Face it, we're grown ups now, whether we like it or not. Unless you're one of those who thinks Justin Bieber is cute. I find him mildly creepy. No, not mildly. Just creepy.

But, for those of you who still don't feel like you've grown up, I applaud you. Don't worry about when things will happen...you know why? That's a grown up thing to do. When you were five and your teeth hadn't all fallen out, you didn't worry about it. You knew it was going to happen. And sure enough, it did. And four years and 87 orthodontist appointments later, you have a smile that can light up a room.

And if all else fails, read about THIS guy and you're bound to feel better about yourself: http://carrottop.com/contest/.